Shutting Down- A Poem

See kids? A serious post. It happens, once in awhile. I wanted to share a poem I just wrote, because they are very hard for my brain to come by lately. (And by "lately" I mean for like, the last 5 years. That's a LONG time to have creative-writing block! Frustrating.) But yes, sometimes when emotions and situation calls for it, I can actually squeeze something half decent out. So of course I need to document it!

Enjoy, or whatever you do with poems.

Shutting Down

I am packing up my feelings
and the care I had for you
And I’m stuffing them inside a box
And marking “Good as new”
I am leaving them outside
On the stoop out in the rain
And just hoping that the garbage men
Can handle all that pain

I am shutting down emotions
Pressing pause on every tear
And I’m forcing myself to accept
That you’re no longer here.
I am turning off the hurting
I am forcing a goodbye
Cause the moment you shut off from me
I lost the will to try.

So I’m wiping out the memories
I’m erasing all the good
I will focus on reality
The way they’ve said I should
I will dim the flames of caring
I will start my life anew
And I’ll shut down what’s left of my love
As I detach from you.

But the biggest task I have to face
While taking me apart
Is the nearly impossible job
Of shutting down my heart.
Even though the thing is broken
And it has been for some time
It has kept up with it’s beating
Just pretending it was fine.
But the beating was a symbol
Of the hope I clung on to
As I ignored all the evidence-
I’d already lost you.
But I’ll strangle out the wishes
I will shut that muscle down
And I’ll keep it locked up tightly
Til I’ve shut your memories out.
I’ll keep it powered down
Until I cannot feel a thing
And then I’ll wait until my strength is back
and start re-powering.